I have a 5K race coming up this Saturday; I know shocking right, when I have the missing "competitive" puzzle piece that I have mentioned before. But did you know these 5K's come with 3 free beer tabs located on your very own bib! How fantastic is that?! And at the end there is music and food, wow! Had I known about the free beer and music I would have been participating in 5K's for years.
The first one was a real eye opener. My husband the real runner in the family, gets placed in the first corral (as determined by his estimated time to finish). My estimated time to finish (considering I would be walking, with a book if I could but apparently that is frowned upon) at a much slower pace, was placed in the farthest back corral with the geriatrics, strollers filled with babies and other miscellaneous sort. My 11 year old son, was kind enough to participate with his mother and was also in the back corral. I laminated with my son how thrilled I was that we would be doing this together, that we could catch up, chit chat, share stories (as him texting on his cell phone during a race was also frowned upon) so this could be a win, win situation. Mother and son bonding time, how great is that!
There was a lot of standing around and waiting for the gun shot for this last corral, as each corral has their own send off. It was finally our turn! In my head I stored up a couple of funny family stories I planned on sharing with my son, as there would be no distractions for him to plug into. As the gun sounded off and I began my leisurely brisk pace, I felt a brush along my right shoulder and a puff of air only to see my 11 year old son whiz past me in a stream of blue shorts and grey tank his race bib bouncing up and down like a greyhound after a mechanical rabbit. "Wait!", I yell as my leisurely brisk pace turns into a full out run, "but I have stories", I pant. My son is already around the first bend and I can no longer see him.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Can't see the forest for the trees...
So I have a beef and I don't mean the delicious kind. But ever since I have gained weight, my laptop has been sending me these pop up advertisements for clothes but all the models are fat. What the hell. When did this happen.... Why can't I get those skinny bitch model pictures that we all complain about is wrong with our society. I feel like I have been targeted as a fat ass; the images pop up with my body type and I'm like what the hell, am I not good enough for the skinny model pictures. I actually looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't getting punked.
I have been watching a lot of Naked and Afraid lately, the TV show where "Each week, a new pair of complete and total strangers - one man and one woman - will find themselves stranded and exposed to some of the world's most extreme weather environments. Each duo will be left high and dry with No food, No water...and No clothes. They must survive on their own for a full 21 days." And the crazy thing is they are left in extreme places, such as Cambodia, Brazil the Amazon! At the end of the show they usually lose 15 to 25 pounds! OMG, exactly what I need to lose. So I have been trying to convince my family to allow me to live for 21 days, with no clothes and whenever I am hungry, go into the backyard and kill something to eat; possibly a cricket or a frog. Then BAM my ideal weight; albeit some angry neighbors and a little less wildlife.
Winning Mega Millions numbers: 8 35 61 68 75 and 15
My Mega Millions numbers 10 12 31 38 54 and 08 (zero dollars)
I have been watching a lot of Naked and Afraid lately, the TV show where "Each week, a new pair of complete and total strangers - one man and one woman - will find themselves stranded and exposed to some of the world's most extreme weather environments. Each duo will be left high and dry with No food, No water...and No clothes. They must survive on their own for a full 21 days." And the crazy thing is they are left in extreme places, such as Cambodia, Brazil the Amazon! At the end of the show they usually lose 15 to 25 pounds! OMG, exactly what I need to lose. So I have been trying to convince my family to allow me to live for 21 days, with no clothes and whenever I am hungry, go into the backyard and kill something to eat; possibly a cricket or a frog. Then BAM my ideal weight; albeit some angry neighbors and a little less wildlife.
Winning Mega Millions numbers: 8 35 61 68 75 and 15
My Mega Millions numbers 10 12 31 38 54 and 08 (zero dollars)
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Torture Tuesday
I weighed myself today, I have gained one pound from yesterday, how is that even possible. I immediately put on pants with a zipper and waist band as punishment, take that fat, no more drawstring pants for you!
I started the morning off by polishing off the Sea Salt Dark chocolate because who can have that just laying around with a clear conscience. I am proud of myself for taking a stand against the chocolate and consuming it so it can no longer tempt me with its rich brown color and enticing aroma (per the Lindt Master Swiss Chocolatier description). I am now officially ready for the first day of the rest of my life to begin... For such a bold statement, it seems as if something more dramatic should happen; instead of reading the Lindt packaging and having the waist band of your pants digging into your flesh.
The treadmill sits in the corner of the room with its collection of dust bunnies taunting me. I guess today is the day that I will get on the treadmill, as it has been a few months. My idea of working out on the treadmill, is to read a good book while in the process. I was born on this planet without a competitive bone in my body, I am not competitive with myself or others. I never get upset when I lose a board game or if I'm the last one picked for a team sport. I am like a jigsaw puzzle that takes you months to complete, only to find one miserable piece missing. The condition is rather tragic...
I started the morning off by polishing off the Sea Salt Dark chocolate because who can have that just laying around with a clear conscience. I am proud of myself for taking a stand against the chocolate and consuming it so it can no longer tempt me with its rich brown color and enticing aroma (per the Lindt Master Swiss Chocolatier description). I am now officially ready for the first day of the rest of my life to begin... For such a bold statement, it seems as if something more dramatic should happen; instead of reading the Lindt packaging and having the waist band of your pants digging into your flesh.
The treadmill sits in the corner of the room with its collection of dust bunnies taunting me. I guess today is the day that I will get on the treadmill, as it has been a few months. My idea of working out on the treadmill, is to read a good book while in the process. I was born on this planet without a competitive bone in my body, I am not competitive with myself or others. I never get upset when I lose a board game or if I'm the last one picked for a team sport. I am like a jigsaw puzzle that takes you months to complete, only to find one miserable piece missing. The condition is rather tragic...
Monday, July 27, 2015
Monday musings
So today is the first day of the rest of my life. Isn't that what they say? What does that even mean? Are they saying that the first 45 years of my life didn't count. That today is the day that I will finally lose 20 pounds, that today is the day that I will wear pants that don't have a draw string, that today is the day that my bank account will overflow and I will live the jet setting life I have always envisioned. Doubt it.
Although, I should really put on some pants with a zipper and a waistband. It could be good for me to be miserable and have my pants digging into my fat, as a persistent reminder to lose weight. Like a small child tugging at your pants leg to get your attention, "hey fat ass, remember me, its getting a little tight down here."
So far today, I have eaten:
One can of tomato soup with water Calories: 90
pinch of shredded cheddar cheese Calories: who cares
One large peach: Calories: its a fruit, doesn't matter
Fruit helps keep the pipes running. Otherwise, I would sit on the cherished throne and have nothing to show for my efforts.
Working from home for a company for the past 4 years has not been kind to the waistline. To get through 9 hours of mind numbing accounting work, eating has become a fun pastime. Scurry into the kitchen before anyone can turn on the overhead kitchen light, capture the snacktime treasures, return to my desk with the crunchy Funyuns, chemically laced Diet Coke, sea salt chocolate, maybe a big bowl of Lucky Charms, because they "really" are magically delicious.
But instead, since today is "the first day of the rest of my life" I am on a DIEt.
Googled: is it dangerous to eat more than 2 gummies of the One A Day for Women vitamins, as I have now eaten 6.
Don't think about food, don't think about food, don't think about food.
Googled: metallic taste in mouth, is that bad?
Check my lottery numbers: Yes! Check my lottery numbers! Maybe today will be "the first day of the rest of my life!"
Mega Millions for July 24, 2015 Winning numbers 10, 12, 26, 60, 62 and 13
My numbers 10, 11, 25, 35, 73 and 13 (a $2.00 win).
Lunch: spicy chick fila sandwich Calories: 490 minus the top bun and bottom bun, gave them to the Pug.
Tomorrow: put Pug on diet.
I read that everyday you should be thankful for something as it will help you to manifest a life full of happiness and contentment. Today I am thankful for drawstring pants.
Although, I should really put on some pants with a zipper and a waistband. It could be good for me to be miserable and have my pants digging into my fat, as a persistent reminder to lose weight. Like a small child tugging at your pants leg to get your attention, "hey fat ass, remember me, its getting a little tight down here."
So far today, I have eaten:
One can of tomato soup with water Calories: 90
pinch of shredded cheddar cheese Calories: who cares
One large peach: Calories: its a fruit, doesn't matter
Fruit helps keep the pipes running. Otherwise, I would sit on the cherished throne and have nothing to show for my efforts.
Working from home for a company for the past 4 years has not been kind to the waistline. To get through 9 hours of mind numbing accounting work, eating has become a fun pastime. Scurry into the kitchen before anyone can turn on the overhead kitchen light, capture the snacktime treasures, return to my desk with the crunchy Funyuns, chemically laced Diet Coke, sea salt chocolate, maybe a big bowl of Lucky Charms, because they "really" are magically delicious.
But instead, since today is "the first day of the rest of my life" I am on a DIEt.
Googled: is it dangerous to eat more than 2 gummies of the One A Day for Women vitamins, as I have now eaten 6.
Don't think about food, don't think about food, don't think about food.
Googled: metallic taste in mouth, is that bad?
Check my lottery numbers: Yes! Check my lottery numbers! Maybe today will be "the first day of the rest of my life!"
Mega Millions for July 24, 2015 Winning numbers 10, 12, 26, 60, 62 and 13
My numbers 10, 11, 25, 35, 73 and 13 (a $2.00 win).
Lunch: spicy chick fila sandwich Calories: 490 minus the top bun and bottom bun, gave them to the Pug.
Tomorrow: put Pug on diet.
I read that everyday you should be thankful for something as it will help you to manifest a life full of happiness and contentment. Today I am thankful for drawstring pants.
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